The Chronicles of Corona, Week 2: Homeschooling on Lockdown

So we’ve survived one week of homeschooling. Here’s how the week went down in our house…

Monday 23 March: Crotchet normally has to be dragged out of bed at 8am on a school day, followed by much nagging to get her ready to leave the house. This is clearly not a problem when school takes place in the living room (and technically you can wear your pyjamas) so of course she decides to get up and dressed at 6am. Children are weird. Mummy and Mrs Mummy eventually acquiesce to the nagging and drag themselves out of bed, wondering whether it is acceptable to start drinking at breakfast time on a homeschool day. Thereafter follows a meticulously planned day of delightful educational activities, some of which take place in the glorious sunshine.

PE homeschool style

Mummy tentatively starts to wonder whether this homeschooling malarkey might not be all that bad. The munchkins even manage to do their usual ballet and tap classes via Zoom, which was something that nobody did last week and now everyone is suddenly Zooming here there and everywhere (to make up for not actually being allowed to go anywhere at all). Even though we have been socially distancing for the last few days, the lockdown announcement clearly merits more alcohol. Mummy resorts to Campari with 7UP because she’s run out of soda. Then Mrs Mummy puts together Mummy’s new spin bike which is clearly the best decision that she has ever made.

Mummy’s new toy!

Tuesday 24 March: The munchkins decide to wake up at an ungodly hour for the second day in a row. Mummy has a migraine which may or may not have been induced by the realisation that she actually has to keep up the chirpy teacher act for the foreseeable future (or at least until tomorrow when she actually has to do her real job). Either way she ends up having to make an emergency trip to the shops for painkillers, so acquires some gin fizz and prosecco while she’s there. The trampoline we panic bought last week is delivered, saving us from the prospect of lockdown hell. Mummy attempts her first online spin class when the munchkins are in bed. Obviously she picks the Peloton class with a Broadway playlist! The gin fizz is quickly consumed. These last two events may not have happened in the order in which they are reported here….

Wednesday 25 March: Mummy and Mrs Mummy assemble the trampoline while the munchkins are entertained by The Body Coach once again. Much bouncing happens for the remainder of the day. The trampoline is currently rivaling the spin bike for best purchase ever. Mummy’s spin class of choice this evening is a P!nk medley. Again, alcohol is consumed.

Our kind of panic purchase

Thursday 26 March: It’s Mrs Mummy’s turn to play teacher while Mummy tries to catch up on all the work that she hasn’t been doing due to all the panic and suchlike. In a controversial move, we switch from PE with Joe to daily dance classes with Oti Mabuse. Very little else of note happens until the evening when our entire street comes out to clap for the NHS.

Friday 27 March: Mrs Mummy’s on duty again while Mummy continues to try and summon up some enthusiasm for the day job. Homeschool is starting to lose its shine and Quaver declares herself to feel not very well at all. Obviously not so terribly ill that she can’t spend a good proportion of the day on the trampoline. And definitely not the type of ill that manifests itself in a cough or temperature. Just the kind that means she gets to watch Finding Nemo in lieu of anything that she considers to be ‘learning’. Mummy and Mrs Mummy spend the evening playing Sporcle with friends via Skype, which is a very good excuse to consume vast quantities of prosecco.

Saturday 28 March: Another weekend with no theatre looms. After a long walk, we head home and sit down to catch up on some online children’s theatre that has been streamed this week. First up is The Polar Bears Go Up which is an absolute hit, despite the age recommendation of 2-5. Then the munchkins absolutely wet themselves watching this week’s online show from Tweedy the Clown. Mummy and Mrs Mummy have another Skype date with friends and again consume much prosecco.

Sunday 29 March: It’s the end of a very long week and we’re all getting on each other’s nerves. Mummy is forced to play Twister, which is a lot like yoga but distinctly less meditative. For some reason Mrs Mummy decides that it will be a brilliant bonding activity to make homemade Nutella in the Nutribullet. Unsurprisingly, Mrs Mummy does not consider cleaning to be an appropriate family activity, and leaves Mummy to deal with the aftermath. A family walk quickly turns into a solo affair, with Mrs Mummy taking the grumpy munchkins home while Mummy does a power walk around Greenwich Park. By the end of the weekend we are all very thankful that tomorrow is a ‘school’ day, but Mummy and Mrs Mummy are regretting not rationing the prosecco. One week of lockdown down………

Greenwich Park