The Chronicles of Corona, Week 1: Social distancing

What a difference a week makes. One week ago (exactly, at time of writing) Mummy was sitting in the sun outside a church hall, waiting to pick Quaver up from her weekly drama class. At that time, we were still in the “delay” phase of the government’s short-lived herd immunity plans for combating coronavirus, so Mummy was happily chatting with a mum friend from less than 2m away. Then we had a quick check of BBC News and everything changed in an instant. Herd immunity swiftly abandoned, we were now officially “social distancing”. So no more drama class. No Easter ski holiday. And – sob – no more theatre. With further (quite rightly) restrictions put in place as the week went on, things are looking very different today. And with nothing else to do, Mummy has decided to use her blog to keep track of this very weird period of time. So welcome to the first installment of the Coronavirus Chronicles! Here’s what we’ve been up to over the last week….

Monday 16 March: Everything is normal until suddenly it isn’t. As soon as the press conference begins, it’s apparent that shit has become real. The government guidance is vague on many things but it is abundantly clear that going to the theatre is in Boris’ bad books. Good job Mrs Mummy stocked up on alcohol this weekend.

Tuesday 17 March: Day 1 of Mrs Mummy officially working from home. While she sets up shop on the kitchen table, Mummy spends the entire day refreshing Twitter and becoming increasingly sad at the West End going dark. The munchkins are still in school. Ballet and tap class are still also technically on but Mummy painfully concedes that they are “non-essential” so we end up going for a bike ride instead. Then it’s home for takeaway pizza and an awful lot of alcohol. (The munchkins only had the former. Mummy is not sharing her prosecco with small humans. Also, this is frowned upon.)

Wednesday 18 March: Looks like Mummy and Mrs Mummy will be spending Wednesdays working from home together from now on. But we like each other so that’s ok. At least the munchkins are still at school. Mummy can’t concentrate on work for fear that this will change soon so she spends the day refreshing BBC News and panic buying school supplies and board games. Just before we pick up the munchkins from the childminder, we get the inevitable confirmation that schools will be closing on Friday……Further panic ensues…..Again, the evening ends with a bike ride and alcohol.

Thursday 19 March: Mummy works from home, while Mrs Mummy enjoys her penultimate child-free non working day. Very little work actually happens but we do end up panic buying a spin bike (for Mummy’s sanity) and a trampoline (theoretically for the munchkins but also really for Mummy). In an attempt to be healthy humans we go for a walk and wonder why the entire world seems to be camped out in a local cafe. In a further attempt to do social distancing responsibly, Mrs Mummy goes to Sainsbury’s at 10pm. It turns out that this is a good way of avoiding crowds but a terrible way of finding food. She does, at least, come home with alcohol. Somehow we abstain for once.

Friday 20 March: It’s the last day before school’s out for an indeterminate period of time. Today’s panic purchases are less extreme than yesterday’s – Just some plastic storage boxes for shoving all the school stuff that is going to be hanging around the living room, and a cable for connecting the computer to the TV. We make another trip to the village and Mummy tries very hard not to scream at the people sitting in the cafe. The evening ends with a live stream of Eugenius! And alcohol.

Saturday 21 March: For the first time in a very long time, it’s a stay at home Saturday. This mostly involves clearing the teeny garden to make space for the panic-bought trampoline that will hopefully arrive some time soon. A family game of Scrabble reminds us why we don’t normally stay in the house all day, then it’s time for takeaway curry (and alcohol, obviously). Once the munchkins are in bed, Mummy and Mrs Mummy discover Smash on Amazon Prime.

Sunday 22 March: Much like Saturday but with extra squabbling. Mummy remembers why she usually schedules the shit out of her weekends. Once the munchkins are in bed, Mummy and Mrs Mummy make a timetable and prepare the “classroom” for tomorrow. And also alcohol, of course. By this stage, Mummy has run out of prosecco but is managing to survive on Campari and Soda.

Stay tuned for more adventures. It’s not as if you have anywhere to be…….