REVIEW: Potted Panto (Southwark Playhouse)

A potted panto.
Concise critique required.
A haiku review.

Just eighty minutes.
Seven classic pantomimes
at Southwark Playhouse.

A cast of two(ish).
Jeff plays all the title roles
until he doesn’t.

Dan plays the villains.
The handsome prince? Dan as well.
And of course the Dame.

An egg-laying moose.
Cinders’ Fairy Godchicken.
They’re played by Dan too!

Which pantos are in?
Dan thinks there are twelve classics.
Just six on Jeff’s list.

Jack and the Beanstalk.
It starts off traditional
but Jack eats the beans.

Then on comes a Dick.
Or is he Boris Johnson?
Oh no he isn’t!

Time for princesses.
Snow White then Sleeping Beauty.
Both snogged back to life.

Cinderella’s prince
almost weds Princess Richard.
(An audience bloke.)

3D carriage ride.
Audience interaction.
Bucket full of poo.

Interval ice cream.
(Mummy had a prosecco.)
Then on with the show.

But first a recap.
Everything that went before.
In case we forgot.

Potted potted first.
Potted, potted potted, then…..
Quadruple potted.

Panto number six.
And also number seven.
But what will it be?

Jeff wants Aladdin.
Dan wants A Christmas Carol.
We get a hybrid.

Ebeneezer Scrooge.
Or is he Abanazar?
Get your hot chestnuts.

Panto finale.
Traditional singalong.
Bows, clapping, home time.

So what did we think?
All the best bits of panto.
We’d recommend it.

Do you love panto?
This is the panto for you.
Make sure you see it.

Do you hate panto?
You’ll probably like it too.
And if not, it’s short……

RATING: Raindrops, Whiskers, Kettles, Mittens & Brown Paper Packages (aka all 5 of my favourite things).

Potted Panto is playing at the Southwark Playhouse from 5 December 2019 to 11 January 2020.